How is faith related to perspective? I think that faith becomes the foundation which allows you to have multiple perspectives. Yes, there is always more than one. Faith allows me to accept different views, find common ground with others, and have relationships.. I don't have to worry about being right or wrong, black or white, or good or evil for anyone except myself. Dealing with other's actions is something best left to the epic struggle of the Empire. The institution began as good, but was corrupted into something perverted and evil... but through it all, the Force was still there guiding all of it.. The people almost all changed roles, or were led astray. Again, your perspective determines your views their. Has today's church become the empire? Are even the good churches largely hiding from the truth regarding their minimal impact on their world? Are we connected enough to even understand that "control" and comprehension of the impact of the ecumenical church of 2005 is beyond us. It is a waste of our energy to focus there, we should focus instead on our individual relationships.
God's perspective.. is not something that we can understand or fathom.. time doesn't matter, the "system" is baloney, history is a blink.. those are just the beginning of our inability to comprehend. Jesus said.. I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father except through me. If you need to know what to do.... Love one another
My perspective...
God loves me as his unique creation, God has a plan for me in His creation, a plan to prosper me, and God will stick with me no matter what sort of mess I bring on myself...
I need to better define for myself...
1. Inspiration
2. Revelation
3. Interpretation
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
Perspective
Right or Wrong, Black or White, Good or Evil... I saw the new Star Wars movie this weekend and I was struck by two quotes.. Late in the movie, Anakin(Darth Vader) says to Obi Wan: " From my perspective the Jedi are evil" and when you think about it... the only thing that differentiates the two sides was faith in the future. Both believe they are doing the right thing. Who am I to judge? The hinge point is not solely based on actions, it was based on what you believe the intent for the future is about coupled with an "instinctive" view of what is right. Is that instinct coupled with our desire to reach out to God? I think so...
The other quote that jumped out at me was Yoda speaking to Anakin Skywalker earlier in the movie.. and the "master jedi" said: "you should not be afraid of death, death is only a part of life... you should be happy when your loved ones pass on and join the force".... I know, I know.. Here I go again, trying to ground my theology in pop culture.. it is a flawed approach... I get that, but I think there is some relevance to listening to the voice of these artists. The writers, producers and directors of a film series like Star Wars are trying for something that may be beyond them... They are on one level trying to make money.. just like we all are. But on some other level, they are trying to make a statement which influences the world. Entertainment and Art linked with metaphors addressing theology and deep doctrinal divides.. Causality vs Predestination.. does it sound familiar? it does to me.. I wrote a personal journal entry like this last year after a marathon viewing of The Matrix trilogy. I even bought a study guide and reread the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy looking and analyzing the Christian themes after a similar marathon event.... It was an amazing study for me...
The preview scenes shown in my trip to the theater were for an upcoming release of "Chronicles of Narnia" Wow I am excited for that. It will be a tremendous opportunity to reach out and talk with my friends about Christianity directly... using the stories of CS Lewis as a discussion point.
The other quote that jumped out at me was Yoda speaking to Anakin Skywalker earlier in the movie.. and the "master jedi" said: "you should not be afraid of death, death is only a part of life... you should be happy when your loved ones pass on and join the force".... I know, I know.. Here I go again, trying to ground my theology in pop culture.. it is a flawed approach... I get that, but I think there is some relevance to listening to the voice of these artists. The writers, producers and directors of a film series like Star Wars are trying for something that may be beyond them... They are on one level trying to make money.. just like we all are. But on some other level, they are trying to make a statement which influences the world. Entertainment and Art linked with metaphors addressing theology and deep doctrinal divides.. Causality vs Predestination.. does it sound familiar? it does to me.. I wrote a personal journal entry like this last year after a marathon viewing of The Matrix trilogy. I even bought a study guide and reread the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy looking and analyzing the Christian themes after a similar marathon event.... It was an amazing study for me...
The preview scenes shown in my trip to the theater were for an upcoming release of "Chronicles of Narnia" Wow I am excited for that. It will be a tremendous opportunity to reach out and talk with my friends about Christianity directly... using the stories of CS Lewis as a discussion point.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Books, Busyness, Buddies and Bo Bice
Books -- I have done a lot of reading in the last couple of months... and I think that every "modern" Christian should read all of these books. They are not just for seminary, theology types.. I think they are expertly written and address teh real issues of living in our world today.
everyone should read, I recommend this order.. if you want some good thought provoking, but easy reading for the Summer.
---A new kind of Christian : Brian Mclaren
---The story we find ourselves in : Brian Mclaren
---The last word and the word after that : Brian Mclaren
---Waking the Dead : John Eldredge
---The Present Future, Six tough questions for the church : Reggie Neal
Trust me.. buy them.. and read them in order I listed them..... it will put you on a roller coaster ride and enliven your heart as well as your mind. I am going to reread all of them.. just so I am sure that I understand what I think about them..
Busy business
My schedule has been too busy this week to allow me to think and write.. It seems like I have run from one thing to another but I am hard pressed to tel you what "real" good I did in the past few days... I took my oldest daughter on a field trip today and we had a good time... What did I do..? I know that I did a lot of things in teh past few days, and I even thought about writing some of them down, but interestingly, my mindset of business(read that busy ness) blinds me from my own actions and thoughts. i took no time to reflect, I took almost no time to thank people.. not to mention that by personal prayers were largely superficial, and mostly "institutional".. there was little passion or intensity...
Thought: by becoming busy, we enable Satan to take us away from our God, our family, and ultimately our jobs... We burn out, and ultimately become ineffective. He is "scary" good at this.. and we are "scarily" unaware of this silent demon manifesting in our daily actions. Even the church is to blame sometimes.. Do we teach people the value and importance of the Sabbath, of rest, of focus... or do we just seek to build another program in the hopes of attracting another young couple and getting them to join the club and do even more..
I talked at length with a good friend about a technology metaphor for God.. He is like a network tied to a supercomputer with unlimited bandwidth, unlimited processing power, and zero latency.. Whatever we ask of him.. He can provide it, yet we insist on personal upgrades.. We waste our time trying to upgrade our processors, and our computers, when all we have to do is plug in.. Just think, God's grace is the ultimate wireless network.. We are always connected.. no matter what we do on our end.. he is there..
How often do we connect? or do we try to do all of the work on our own..
Buddies
I miss my buddies. People who tell me what they think no matter what... I have no fear of losing them as friends no matter what I/we say or do.. There aren't that many.. maybe 2 or 3.. I am ashamed, I don't stay connected enough... Somehow, my lack of constant singing engagements these days coupled with my overly busy schedule, is some sort of badge of humiliation. I was the "golden boy" with all of the talent, all of the strings, and I know some of them think that I have thrown my chance away, to just be a dad, and minister, and friend...And worst of all, I have "sold out" and joined the evil corporate culture of America... I guess the answer is YES.. I did, but it was the right call and i would do it again. How can i connect back to some of those folks when I have failed them.. or me, or maybe both? I am reaching out to them even now.. Tracee and I will make a schedule and we are going to make these connections more frequent... we can do it if we try. Even if the effort is one-way, we have to at least try.
re: American Idol.. Bo Bice should have won hands down.. I hereby commit to everyone.. America let him down. By choosing the pretty girl over the singer with real soul, integrity, and the guts to be himself.. we have exposed our lack of understanding of the "art" of singing yet again.. Singing is about exposing your soul.. a good voice helps, but the trick is honesty and a willingness to bare your soul.. accepting both the praise and the rejection equally. Bo is a singer, he is up there in front of us all.. Carrie is a a wonderful singer, a beautiful girl, and very talented, but she isn't in Bo's league.. Bo will be a huge star.. I think Carrie is a flash in the pan...
everyone should read, I recommend this order.. if you want some good thought provoking, but easy reading for the Summer.
---A new kind of Christian : Brian Mclaren
---The story we find ourselves in : Brian Mclaren
---The last word and the word after that : Brian Mclaren
---Waking the Dead : John Eldredge
---The Present Future, Six tough questions for the church : Reggie Neal
Trust me.. buy them.. and read them in order I listed them..... it will put you on a roller coaster ride and enliven your heart as well as your mind. I am going to reread all of them.. just so I am sure that I understand what I think about them..
Busy business
My schedule has been too busy this week to allow me to think and write.. It seems like I have run from one thing to another but I am hard pressed to tel you what "real" good I did in the past few days... I took my oldest daughter on a field trip today and we had a good time... What did I do..? I know that I did a lot of things in teh past few days, and I even thought about writing some of them down, but interestingly, my mindset of business(read that busy ness) blinds me from my own actions and thoughts. i took no time to reflect, I took almost no time to thank people.. not to mention that by personal prayers were largely superficial, and mostly "institutional".. there was little passion or intensity...
Thought: by becoming busy, we enable Satan to take us away from our God, our family, and ultimately our jobs... We burn out, and ultimately become ineffective. He is "scary" good at this.. and we are "scarily" unaware of this silent demon manifesting in our daily actions. Even the church is to blame sometimes.. Do we teach people the value and importance of the Sabbath, of rest, of focus... or do we just seek to build another program in the hopes of attracting another young couple and getting them to join the club and do even more..
I talked at length with a good friend about a technology metaphor for God.. He is like a network tied to a supercomputer with unlimited bandwidth, unlimited processing power, and zero latency.. Whatever we ask of him.. He can provide it, yet we insist on personal upgrades.. We waste our time trying to upgrade our processors, and our computers, when all we have to do is plug in.. Just think, God's grace is the ultimate wireless network.. We are always connected.. no matter what we do on our end.. he is there..
How often do we connect? or do we try to do all of the work on our own..
Buddies
I miss my buddies. People who tell me what they think no matter what... I have no fear of losing them as friends no matter what I/we say or do.. There aren't that many.. maybe 2 or 3.. I am ashamed, I don't stay connected enough... Somehow, my lack of constant singing engagements these days coupled with my overly busy schedule, is some sort of badge of humiliation. I was the "golden boy" with all of the talent, all of the strings, and I know some of them think that I have thrown my chance away, to just be a dad, and minister, and friend...And worst of all, I have "sold out" and joined the evil corporate culture of America... I guess the answer is YES.. I did, but it was the right call and i would do it again. How can i connect back to some of those folks when I have failed them.. or me, or maybe both? I am reaching out to them even now.. Tracee and I will make a schedule and we are going to make these connections more frequent... we can do it if we try. Even if the effort is one-way, we have to at least try.
re: American Idol.. Bo Bice should have won hands down.. I hereby commit to everyone.. America let him down. By choosing the pretty girl over the singer with real soul, integrity, and the guts to be himself.. we have exposed our lack of understanding of the "art" of singing yet again.. Singing is about exposing your soul.. a good voice helps, but the trick is honesty and a willingness to bare your soul.. accepting both the praise and the rejection equally. Bo is a singer, he is up there in front of us all.. Carrie is a a wonderful singer, a beautiful girl, and very talented, but she isn't in Bo's league.. Bo will be a huge star.. I think Carrie is a flash in the pan...
Friday, May 20, 2005
Just being..
Life is about just being, and loving, and doing, and watching. It is largely a human invention that we much make or accomplish something..Nike says "just do it" but as powerful as doing is...I think I can accomplish very little without help. Even the great man that ever lived.. spent most of his time loving... Even then, people wanted him to do.. Jesus mostly just loved people and taught, yet his every statement changed his world. from John 15 "apart from me you can do nothing"... so if you believe that it doesn't really matter what Nike says... :)
Psa. 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My essence, my soul, is unique. I am special.. but I am not better than others. I am here to love and be loved. I thank God for that tremendous gift. Christ redeems me, and allows me to be his. My music, my skill is all a gift that I am bound to use to help towards the ultimate salvation of the entire world.
Galatians 3:22-28 Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe. Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Any significant discussion of doing always ends up with a judgement of those who "obviously" aren't doing enough, or are doing the wrong things. Breaking the rules, not living up to expectations.. I love to judge just a much as anybody else, but it feels wrong... It is up to me to find ways to include not exclude those different from me... I ask for God's help in doing this. I try so hard not to judge..
My desire and ambition sends me down the road to excluding others, and showing that I am better than other.. by the world's standards of course... What a waste of energy. This hierarchy that we create for ourselves is at the root of our inability to embrace one another... We have to focus on our God, our savior.. and then we can figure out a way to live together.. My kids do their best, when they clearly understand what their focus should be.. They still stray, but they need me to guide them at the right level. I present a guiding principle and they find their way within it.. When I start making little petty rules, we all get in trouble...
So we are like the kids.. we must submit to the instruction of God, but we cannot deny our own ability and give up our unique value to support some institutional mold.. God didn't institute the hierarchy.. man did...
Lord, I release all my hopes and dreams to You this day. If there is anything that I am longing for is not to be a part of my life, I ask you to take it away the desire for it so that what SHOULD be in my life will be released to me. I lift up to You all that I desire, and I declare this day that I desire You more. I want the desires of my heart to line up with the desires of Your heart. I now take each step with the light of Your presence as my guide. AMEN
Jeremiah 23:16
Psa. 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My essence, my soul, is unique. I am special.. but I am not better than others. I am here to love and be loved. I thank God for that tremendous gift. Christ redeems me, and allows me to be his. My music, my skill is all a gift that I am bound to use to help towards the ultimate salvation of the entire world.
Galatians 3:22-28 Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe. Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.
You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Any significant discussion of doing always ends up with a judgement of those who "obviously" aren't doing enough, or are doing the wrong things. Breaking the rules, not living up to expectations.. I love to judge just a much as anybody else, but it feels wrong... It is up to me to find ways to include not exclude those different from me... I ask for God's help in doing this. I try so hard not to judge..
My desire and ambition sends me down the road to excluding others, and showing that I am better than other.. by the world's standards of course... What a waste of energy. This hierarchy that we create for ourselves is at the root of our inability to embrace one another... We have to focus on our God, our savior.. and then we can figure out a way to live together.. My kids do their best, when they clearly understand what their focus should be.. They still stray, but they need me to guide them at the right level. I present a guiding principle and they find their way within it.. When I start making little petty rules, we all get in trouble...
So we are like the kids.. we must submit to the instruction of God, but we cannot deny our own ability and give up our unique value to support some institutional mold.. God didn't institute the hierarchy.. man did...
Lord, I release all my hopes and dreams to You this day. If there is anything that I am longing for is not to be a part of my life, I ask you to take it away the desire for it so that what SHOULD be in my life will be released to me. I lift up to You all that I desire, and I declare this day that I desire You more. I want the desires of my heart to line up with the desires of Your heart. I now take each step with the light of Your presence as my guide. AMEN
Jeremiah 23:16
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Not Rocket science...
For some strange reason, this week has been going badly.. at least in my mind... The "commencement" on Sunday afternoon at Branch's, where all of the children's choirs sang seemed to put me into a psychological tailspin. Things at work are actually going well, yet I couldn't get "happy"
And then, I spent the last couple of hours doing what I love to do.. singing.. this was not world class art by any means. I simply went to choir practice and sang with other people who like to sing... I feel better all around. My spirit is renewed. I miss the choir and folks from Branch's fiercely... but somehow, simply making music lifted me up.
My thought for the day is that we all need to find the thing that "renews" our spirit. I think I am a pretty good singer but tonight was not about being good. It was simply about doing/being what I am.. what God made me. Giving up my personal judgement and feelings and just doing what I do seems to have been the key.
Psa. 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
And then, I spent the last couple of hours doing what I love to do.. singing.. this was not world class art by any means. I simply went to choir practice and sang with other people who like to sing... I feel better all around. My spirit is renewed. I miss the choir and folks from Branch's fiercely... but somehow, simply making music lifted me up.
My thought for the day is that we all need to find the thing that "renews" our spirit. I think I am a pretty good singer but tonight was not about being good. It was simply about doing/being what I am.. what God made me. Giving up my personal judgement and feelings and just doing what I do seems to have been the key.
Psa. 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Freaky ass weather...
...I am so inconsistent with this blogging thing. Anyways, last week in the middle of May it snowed like 7 inches in a few hours. In May. Snow. 7 inches. Ok see, in California in May I'm wearing shorts and wondering how many calories do I need to cut so that my wife beater fits, and I don't look the like wife with sagging boobs.
Here it seems that the weather just kind of goes on with no boundaries. The next two days after our "blizzard" were hot, like 80 degrees, so of course mounds of snow are melting and all the gutters are overflowing and you have your windows rolled down and sweating as you drive as these huge mountains of snow that had been plowed the day before and I'm like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! And then today, Thunderstorm. With Hail and Sleet. I swear if I see a funnel cloud I'm on the first bus/train/horse back to California. I'm looking outside because I'm convinced an 18 wheeler and a freight train had collided but the South Dakotans are telling me, um, that was Thunder. I'm like no, see Thunder is like a big boom (and they laugh because I guess one or more Californian had said boom in describing thunder). Thunder does not make the clock on your wall fall on to your desk or make your teeth hurt, that's a collision/explosion of some kind. So I'm staring outside and it's like 2pm but it's dark!! and I see little hail stones bouncing off my car hood and I'm just convinced that pretty soon those big huge hailstones are going to happen, you know like golf ball sized hail and they will totally annihilate my car. I can't afford to fix anything if my car dies, or, is murdered. I was told hail like that is rare and not to worry. I'm not worried, I just don't believe weather like this really exists. The sky is a mass of black and blue swirling clouds and lightning is blinding me and the thunder is making my fillings rattle and I'm convinced this is doomsday but I keep telling myself, it's sunny somewhere! It's sunny somewhere!!
Then the rain comes and it's like this tidal wave of water, not cute rain drops that you try and catch on your tongue but splashes of water that would surely take your jaw off if you were dumb enough to open your mouth. I look at my co-workers reading the paper or just chatting it up and I'm thinking, it'll be ok, no one is concerned and I look out the window and I see this trash can go blowing by and another thunder crack shakes the building and I finally go back into my office and start looking at live webcams of cities in California so I can be assured that this isn't the day that ends all days. Then it get's really quiet and I'm afraid to look out side because you know the whole eye of the storm thing and this is when the tornado will definitely strike. My office begins to become more illuminated (I never turn my light on and I'm basically in the dark as this point) and I turn to look out my windows and the clouds are fading away and the sun is coming out. In like 20 mins. it's 72 degrees with blue skies and sunshine. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT!! Were we not just ready to board an Ark a few minutes ago??
I look outside and see our neighbors dragging their trash can back up the road and the bunnies are out eating the grass from the parking lot across the way and it's like it never happened. Well except for the river of water running through our parking lot, it was like a dream.
That sh*t just ain't right. In California, when it rains it rains for days and when it's nice it's nice for days! The Weather there doesn't play with your mind and get you all scared then serene in the span of like an hour!! Oh no, I need more consistency!! Not to mention it f*cks with your wardrobe because how you gonna dress yourself if you don't know how the weather is going to be? I mean I can't be wearing shorts in the morning and then a parka in the afternoon, it just clashes! What? Am I supposed to like have an emergency bag of clothes with me at all times? That's too much commitment for me, I need to know that when I wear shorts, I'm wearing those damn shorts for the next three months no problem or questions asked, don't mess with my head and freak me out and then have the sunshine come out with squirrels and bunnies playing, naw, f*ck that. Mother nature here needs to recognize that we all ain't mountain people and some of us believe that the sun should actually be up and shining for the whole day for days on end, it's called summer dammit! That's how it should be!
:-)
Here it seems that the weather just kind of goes on with no boundaries. The next two days after our "blizzard" were hot, like 80 degrees, so of course mounds of snow are melting and all the gutters are overflowing and you have your windows rolled down and sweating as you drive as these huge mountains of snow that had been plowed the day before and I'm like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE! And then today, Thunderstorm. With Hail and Sleet. I swear if I see a funnel cloud I'm on the first bus/train/horse back to California. I'm looking outside because I'm convinced an 18 wheeler and a freight train had collided but the South Dakotans are telling me, um, that was Thunder. I'm like no, see Thunder is like a big boom (and they laugh because I guess one or more Californian had said boom in describing thunder). Thunder does not make the clock on your wall fall on to your desk or make your teeth hurt, that's a collision/explosion of some kind. So I'm staring outside and it's like 2pm but it's dark!! and I see little hail stones bouncing off my car hood and I'm just convinced that pretty soon those big huge hailstones are going to happen, you know like golf ball sized hail and they will totally annihilate my car. I can't afford to fix anything if my car dies, or, is murdered. I was told hail like that is rare and not to worry. I'm not worried, I just don't believe weather like this really exists. The sky is a mass of black and blue swirling clouds and lightning is blinding me and the thunder is making my fillings rattle and I'm convinced this is doomsday but I keep telling myself, it's sunny somewhere! It's sunny somewhere!!
Then the rain comes and it's like this tidal wave of water, not cute rain drops that you try and catch on your tongue but splashes of water that would surely take your jaw off if you were dumb enough to open your mouth. I look at my co-workers reading the paper or just chatting it up and I'm thinking, it'll be ok, no one is concerned and I look out the window and I see this trash can go blowing by and another thunder crack shakes the building and I finally go back into my office and start looking at live webcams of cities in California so I can be assured that this isn't the day that ends all days. Then it get's really quiet and I'm afraid to look out side because you know the whole eye of the storm thing and this is when the tornado will definitely strike. My office begins to become more illuminated (I never turn my light on and I'm basically in the dark as this point) and I turn to look out my windows and the clouds are fading away and the sun is coming out. In like 20 mins. it's 72 degrees with blue skies and sunshine. WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT!! Were we not just ready to board an Ark a few minutes ago??
I look outside and see our neighbors dragging their trash can back up the road and the bunnies are out eating the grass from the parking lot across the way and it's like it never happened. Well except for the river of water running through our parking lot, it was like a dream.
That sh*t just ain't right. In California, when it rains it rains for days and when it's nice it's nice for days! The Weather there doesn't play with your mind and get you all scared then serene in the span of like an hour!! Oh no, I need more consistency!! Not to mention it f*cks with your wardrobe because how you gonna dress yourself if you don't know how the weather is going to be? I mean I can't be wearing shorts in the morning and then a parka in the afternoon, it just clashes! What? Am I supposed to like have an emergency bag of clothes with me at all times? That's too much commitment for me, I need to know that when I wear shorts, I'm wearing those damn shorts for the next three months no problem or questions asked, don't mess with my head and freak me out and then have the sunshine come out with squirrels and bunnies playing, naw, f*ck that. Mother nature here needs to recognize that we all ain't mountain people and some of us believe that the sun should actually be up and shining for the whole day for days on end, it's called summer dammit! That's how it should be!
:-)
The Fixer
I have come to understand that I am mostly a fixer... I am not an expert on sociological/psychological profiles, but a recent conversation with a good friend.. has polarized my view of my activities.. People split into two types in my thinking.. fixers, and improvers.
Fixer: someone who is driven to complete, fix a given problem.. they derive their personal happiness and worth from getting stuff done.. showing results.
Improvers: someone who is happy to make things better, able to put aside the larger focus of the problem of world peace/world hunger and simply feed people and save as many as you can.
In ministry, particularly in institutional churches, I think maybe my approach is difficult to deal with.. I want to get involved, encourage the people, evolve the institution and FIX stuff. I think maybe I am assuming a responsibility, goal that is beyond me. I think maybe I need to develop a more balanced approach to my world.. I need to embrace improvements with more of a view of success in the little things, and leave the big things to people "above my paygrade".. read that as God mostly..
In corporate world, I have chosen a route as a project manage, yet I am much more an analyst at heart. it allows me to succeed frequently in increments and then also regularly complete and "fix" problems. As a PM, I am in control, in charge, as an analyst, I can only contribute.. HMMM
As a musician, as a performer, I can never fix my performance. I can never be good enough..In my mind, I an only improve. What does this say about me. If I identify myself as a singer at my core, then how can I be a fixer.. Maybe I have learned this behavior because it is what the world around me rewards. Does that mean it is good.. I don't think so...
As a father, I am only a caretaker to my children. They are ultimately God's creation. I love them and take care of them, but I cannot fix them. I can only help them to improve....
On second thought.. maybe I am not a fixer..
Fixer: someone who is driven to complete, fix a given problem.. they derive their personal happiness and worth from getting stuff done.. showing results.
Improvers: someone who is happy to make things better, able to put aside the larger focus of the problem of world peace/world hunger and simply feed people and save as many as you can.
In ministry, particularly in institutional churches, I think maybe my approach is difficult to deal with.. I want to get involved, encourage the people, evolve the institution and FIX stuff. I think maybe I am assuming a responsibility, goal that is beyond me. I think maybe I need to develop a more balanced approach to my world.. I need to embrace improvements with more of a view of success in the little things, and leave the big things to people "above my paygrade".. read that as God mostly..
In corporate world, I have chosen a route as a project manage, yet I am much more an analyst at heart. it allows me to succeed frequently in increments and then also regularly complete and "fix" problems. As a PM, I am in control, in charge, as an analyst, I can only contribute.. HMMM
As a musician, as a performer, I can never fix my performance. I can never be good enough..In my mind, I an only improve. What does this say about me. If I identify myself as a singer at my core, then how can I be a fixer.. Maybe I have learned this behavior because it is what the world around me rewards. Does that mean it is good.. I don't think so...
As a father, I am only a caretaker to my children. They are ultimately God's creation. I love them and take care of them, but I cannot fix them. I can only help them to improve....
On second thought.. maybe I am not a fixer..
Friday, May 13, 2005
Textbook vs Storybook
I have so much to say about this... Institution v. People, here is a starter course.. much more to say about this in coming months..
My approach to the world.. is really this simple..
Get good people...Tell them what you want the end state to be... Support them.. They will succeed in the end... Most important thing is to focus on the people...
The old approach... build a "system" machine, and the people are expendable.. Build it good enough and the results will come out... I think this is a proven failure.. just look at history..
Which approach do you use, at your job, in your church, in your family...?
Question for the world, why does my generation seem to take this approach.. why does almost everyone over 50 take the latter approach.. Are we really that different?
Is the Bible a textbook for living(completed 1500 years ago), or a storybook that is still being written even today.. ?
My approach to the world.. is really this simple..
Get good people...Tell them what you want the end state to be... Support them.. They will succeed in the end... Most important thing is to focus on the people...
The old approach... build a "system" machine, and the people are expendable.. Build it good enough and the results will come out... I think this is a proven failure.. just look at history..
Which approach do you use, at your job, in your church, in your family...?
Question for the world, why does my generation seem to take this approach.. why does almost everyone over 50 take the latter approach.. Are we really that different?
Is the Bible a textbook for living(completed 1500 years ago), or a storybook that is still being written even today.. ?
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Institutional Wraith
What in the world do you mean with that .. my wife says.. I told her to look up the definition of wraith, and then think about my favorite TV shows.. She still didn't get it, so I figure readers don't get it either. Definition of Wraith: a ghost or image of a person often seen just before or after death... The context I am using comes from Stargate:Atlantis, where an evil alien race is attacking.. This race is solely dependant on humans as their food source. They consume the life force of those humans unlucky enough to fall into their grasp, becoming stronger and stronger. Almost impossible to kill.
Institutions in today's world are effectively wraiths in this jeffish definition/interpretation. Some actually achieve good things with the "life" we give them. Most use and abuse the precious resource in such short supply. Our time on this world is not unlimited. We live and we die. How we use the time granted us here in this place is entirely up to us...not the machine of our world. With every complacent decision, we feed our dependance on the machine. Thought: God is an undending source of life, if we depend on him, we cannot run out of sustenance. God is not the church.
I am not advocating some sort of anarchichal, isolationist approach to everyday living. I understand that we live in relationships to one another.. and that we, maybe me more than any, are dependant on jobs, careers, and churchs to sustain us... I do think that all too often we lose the importance of people among our devotion to work, church, clubs.. the list goes on and on. The most important thing in my life is my devotion to the people around me. Imagine if we all prioritized each other so highly. Think: How would the world be different?
topics for the future:
What is better, what is the best? Who gets to judge? How and when?
What are the small things we can all change that will make a big difference?
God and the church. Where are we missing the boat?
Institutions in today's world are effectively wraiths in this jeffish definition/interpretation. Some actually achieve good things with the "life" we give them. Most use and abuse the precious resource in such short supply. Our time on this world is not unlimited. We live and we die. How we use the time granted us here in this place is entirely up to us...not the machine of our world. With every complacent decision, we feed our dependance on the machine. Thought: God is an undending source of life, if we depend on him, we cannot run out of sustenance. God is not the church.
I am not advocating some sort of anarchichal, isolationist approach to everyday living. I understand that we live in relationships to one another.. and that we, maybe me more than any, are dependant on jobs, careers, and churchs to sustain us... I do think that all too often we lose the importance of people among our devotion to work, church, clubs.. the list goes on and on. The most important thing in my life is my devotion to the people around me. Imagine if we all prioritized each other so highly. Think: How would the world be different?
topics for the future:
What is better, what is the best? Who gets to judge? How and when?
What are the small things we can all change that will make a big difference?
God and the church. Where are we missing the boat?
Eating buddies...
...my friend Nancy and I used to work together and eat together...a lot. I really miss the food out in California, so much diversity and exciting tastes. I went to a Mexican restaurant here in town and I was appalled at what they tried to pass off as chips and salsa! The chips were the round Tostitos brand and the salsa was tomato sauce, I think I saw a piece of green pepper in there. It reminded me of a place me and my Cuz went to in Livermore, oh man that was horrible. At this place in Rapid City the rice came out of a box and the beans weren't refried, they were just wet and mushy. It was horrible. Now in Cali, nothing like the taco trucks. They were perfect to go to on a Saturday or Sunday after a night in the clubs. Go and get four taco's and some hot sauce and you were set, or a chicken burrito with some lime and radish...OMG that was the shit!
Best Vietnamese soup was at Da Nang's, I think they put heroin in the broth because you just had to go at least once a week for your fix. Nancy and I discovered that place, then it became really popular, same with the Mexcian restaurant across the street, we were the first customers in their first week of business. Excellent salsa and Enchilladas New Mexico was my fave dish, it had two eggs on top of the enchiladas (the enchiladas were spread out like pancakes) delicious. The bread at the Indian restaurant downtown was like butter melting in your mouth and the best cilantro and rice, or the Won Ton soup at Canton Gardens and good Kung Pau Chicken at Dave Wongs. When we were poor (not like poor means here) we would go to La Cabana, this pointy roof Mexican restaurant where you got a lot of food for like four bucks and the service was great. Best egg rolls were at Ho Suns in Manteca, did you know THEY MAKE THEIR OWN EGG ROLL WRAPS?? Nancy says they don't but I think that's just 'cause she doesn't know how and she's Chinese. Best Meatloaf has to be at this place in Folsom called the Folstom Stree Cafe, I used to meet my friend Aimee up there sometimes for lunch, cute place, nice portions great potatoes. Nancy and I ate at so many restaurants over the years I forget how many, I think our best discovery was Momma Ruth's...oooooooooohh shittt! Soul food, best fried chicken and mac and cheese ever! With a side of greens and hot sauce and you were in heaven. Granted we spent half the day there (their fryer was having problems and I'm not sure the electrical hook up they had was up to code...but), it was worth it. We even went to some hoity toity places like the 856 cafe, best french onion soup. We never went back though, Nancy kinda ghetto and I was a bit embarrassed around all those rich white folks *grin*. Or CoCo Ro's, you paid like $14 for a bowl of rice with some chicken in it but they gave you a shiny pretty rock to rest your chopsticks on :-) Nancy stole hers, hence the reason we didn't go to the nice places to often, she be getting me in trouble. Cancuns, Arroyo's, Casa Flores...all get honorable mention, well Arroyo's was more Nancy's choice than mine she liked the Taco salad, I never did try it. Tepa's was great also, good salsa and burrito's were wrapped really tight. Best super burrito ever? Has to be La Estrella in Manteca in the Big Boy shopping center...big messy burrito it was great! Also good Chile Verde, me and my cousin Martin went there one time and ordered it, I'd never had it there before but it was by far the best. The Duck Nook on Harding had the best navy bean soup and potato salad, sushi was good at Kikusui on Pershing. Angelina's had a great Italian buffet. You never really know what you miss until you're stuck in the middle of a lot of Arby's and Wendy's, Burger King's etc. I don't think we EVER ate at fast food for lunch, Jack in the Box was for breakfast, that's about it. Well there were times when we were really broke and I'd grab my back pack and she'd grab her old lady purse and we'd go through all of our change and hit the Wendy's .99cent menu! Me and my eating buddy! LOL we ate til the end...scraping pennies and what not.
It's important to have a person who isn't afraid to try new things when going on a culinary adventure. Nancy wasn't afraid of putting anything in her mouth (oh lawd!) and she could eat. A short Asian woman but I've seen her clear a plate of enchilladas and a side of chips and salsa like a Marine!! Then she start looking at my plate! Gotta eat fast round her! I miss those days, the friendship and the food and the excitement of trying something new. There really aren't any places like those here, a couple of Chinese restaurants and two really gross "Mexican" restaurants, but that's about it. I can't afford to eat out here anyways but even if I could, I'd probably still eat my Ramen and tuna creations. Besides, not as fun without my eating buddy.
Peace out ;-)
Best Vietnamese soup was at Da Nang's, I think they put heroin in the broth because you just had to go at least once a week for your fix. Nancy and I discovered that place, then it became really popular, same with the Mexcian restaurant across the street, we were the first customers in their first week of business. Excellent salsa and Enchilladas New Mexico was my fave dish, it had two eggs on top of the enchiladas (the enchiladas were spread out like pancakes) delicious. The bread at the Indian restaurant downtown was like butter melting in your mouth and the best cilantro and rice, or the Won Ton soup at Canton Gardens and good Kung Pau Chicken at Dave Wongs. When we were poor (not like poor means here) we would go to La Cabana, this pointy roof Mexican restaurant where you got a lot of food for like four bucks and the service was great. Best egg rolls were at Ho Suns in Manteca, did you know THEY MAKE THEIR OWN EGG ROLL WRAPS?? Nancy says they don't but I think that's just 'cause she doesn't know how and she's Chinese. Best Meatloaf has to be at this place in Folsom called the Folstom Stree Cafe, I used to meet my friend Aimee up there sometimes for lunch, cute place, nice portions great potatoes. Nancy and I ate at so many restaurants over the years I forget how many, I think our best discovery was Momma Ruth's...oooooooooohh shittt! Soul food, best fried chicken and mac and cheese ever! With a side of greens and hot sauce and you were in heaven. Granted we spent half the day there (their fryer was having problems and I'm not sure the electrical hook up they had was up to code...but), it was worth it. We even went to some hoity toity places like the 856 cafe, best french onion soup. We never went back though, Nancy kinda ghetto and I was a bit embarrassed around all those rich white folks *grin*. Or CoCo Ro's, you paid like $14 for a bowl of rice with some chicken in it but they gave you a shiny pretty rock to rest your chopsticks on :-) Nancy stole hers, hence the reason we didn't go to the nice places to often, she be getting me in trouble. Cancuns, Arroyo's, Casa Flores...all get honorable mention, well Arroyo's was more Nancy's choice than mine she liked the Taco salad, I never did try it. Tepa's was great also, good salsa and burrito's were wrapped really tight. Best super burrito ever? Has to be La Estrella in Manteca in the Big Boy shopping center...big messy burrito it was great! Also good Chile Verde, me and my cousin Martin went there one time and ordered it, I'd never had it there before but it was by far the best. The Duck Nook on Harding had the best navy bean soup and potato salad, sushi was good at Kikusui on Pershing. Angelina's had a great Italian buffet. You never really know what you miss until you're stuck in the middle of a lot of Arby's and Wendy's, Burger King's etc. I don't think we EVER ate at fast food for lunch, Jack in the Box was for breakfast, that's about it. Well there were times when we were really broke and I'd grab my back pack and she'd grab her old lady purse and we'd go through all of our change and hit the Wendy's .99cent menu! Me and my eating buddy! LOL we ate til the end...scraping pennies and what not.
It's important to have a person who isn't afraid to try new things when going on a culinary adventure. Nancy wasn't afraid of putting anything in her mouth (oh lawd!) and she could eat. A short Asian woman but I've seen her clear a plate of enchilladas and a side of chips and salsa like a Marine!! Then she start looking at my plate! Gotta eat fast round her! I miss those days, the friendship and the food and the excitement of trying something new. There really aren't any places like those here, a couple of Chinese restaurants and two really gross "Mexican" restaurants, but that's about it. I can't afford to eat out here anyways but even if I could, I'd probably still eat my Ramen and tuna creations. Besides, not as fun without my eating buddy.
Peace out ;-)
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Source - Shame
Tonight I feel decidedly unspiritual. I am angry, not that my feelings really matter. My best friend here in Richmond was "out-sourced" yesterday. Honestly, there is nothing very elegant or appropriate about that. He was good, his management was not good. Decisions were made above his and my paygrade. Funny, I am more irritated at the people that somehow survived in that group than I am about the ones that are lost. How can managers who are providing basically no value remain, when the star performers are somehow considered expendable. We all know the answer of course. Politics and alliances. Macchiavellian alliances rule the day when people begin trying to "not get voted off of the island".
Decisions are not really made based upon value. In the end, it comes down to who knows you and who will protect you.. and maybe even more importantly.. Can they protect themselves long enough to protect you. Management in the 21st century. Is it ultimately about staying in the game and maintaining your passion? Can you stay employed, and not become numb, all of the life siphoned out of you.. a day at a time.
The Institutional Wraith is alive and well, whether in churches or in corporate America... Funny, schools and churches are probably even worse, because they somehow pretend that they are not using up their staff members/teachers. At least corporations come right out and admit that they are basically using up people's life energy, but at least there, those "associates" are being paid farely well.. That isn't really an excuse.. but it somehow mitigates some of the abuse.. Adults can't really complain when they sign these Faustian deals... Teachers and ministers deserve soooo much more than they receive.
Questions. Do you realize that staff ministers are probably some of the most educated and under paid contributor's in today's workforce. Master's degrees, PhDs, years of personal investment to a higher calling.... They love and adore their congregations. They invariably sacrifice their own families for the "good of the church". Right or wrong, they give their all to their congregations, but when the chips are down.. how many congregations focus on all that those staff ministers did.. VERY FEW.. they tend to listen and react only to complaints.. When the good stuff occurs, the "senior" pastor takes the credit. Church is no different than companies... They are largely wraiths.. This overblown institution is not "ordained", it isn't holy, it is barely even functional these days. The biggest thing going these days is a focus on defining "purpose". Funny, Jesus said it pretty simply.. "love one another", "feed my sheep", that is pretty simple.. We should just DO IT.. not try to justify our own agendas in deeply complex theological doctrine...
In our world successes yield CREDIT. Who gets it?... God.. of course not.. the people who did the work.. of course not...The management gets the credit...because they were "in charge". Yeah right.. Step back for a minute and think about who is really in charge. Cecil once said in a memorable sermon, that just when we thing we are "in charge" .. that is usually when God gets our attention. Sadly, it is usually in a hospital, or a funeral. If we had given up the burden, and along with it.. the credit.. wouldn't we all be better off. I think so.
Back to the institutional wraith... Satan is effectively using today's church to separate huge segments of the population from God. By supporting the church's unwillingness to change/adapt, Satan ensures that our world's best and brightest are consistently alienated from the population and support structure that they need to help them discern and fertilize their spiritual desires for relevance and their innate desire to seek out God. Satan is separating sheep from the flock so his wolves can run them down...and he is scarily good at it.. Even the church's themselves are largely deluded..Their exclusionary, club mentality is now so commonplace, that they don't even feel bad about it any longer..
I assure you, If Jesus were here right now.. he would not be a member of the club. We have effectively "outsourced" our belief system. We as individuals no longer take ownership for our own thoughts.. It is easier to go listen to the preacher, turn on the TV, or just do what everyone else is doing. We let everyone else tell us what to think, how to act, what to say... Shame on us all.. I thank God for his Amazing Grace. Lord, Jesus, Christ, have mercy on us.
Rev. 3:13-21 Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches. “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the origin of God’s creation: “I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth. For you say, ‘I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing.’ You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Therefore I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich; and white robes to clothe you and to keep the shame of your nakedness from being seen; and salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. I reprove and discipline those whom I love. Be earnest, therefore, and repent. Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.
Decisions are not really made based upon value. In the end, it comes down to who knows you and who will protect you.. and maybe even more importantly.. Can they protect themselves long enough to protect you. Management in the 21st century. Is it ultimately about staying in the game and maintaining your passion? Can you stay employed, and not become numb, all of the life siphoned out of you.. a day at a time.
The Institutional Wraith is alive and well, whether in churches or in corporate America... Funny, schools and churches are probably even worse, because they somehow pretend that they are not using up their staff members/teachers. At least corporations come right out and admit that they are basically using up people's life energy, but at least there, those "associates" are being paid farely well.. That isn't really an excuse.. but it somehow mitigates some of the abuse.. Adults can't really complain when they sign these Faustian deals... Teachers and ministers deserve soooo much more than they receive.
Questions. Do you realize that staff ministers are probably some of the most educated and under paid contributor's in today's workforce. Master's degrees, PhDs, years of personal investment to a higher calling.... They love and adore their congregations. They invariably sacrifice their own families for the "good of the church". Right or wrong, they give their all to their congregations, but when the chips are down.. how many congregations focus on all that those staff ministers did.. VERY FEW.. they tend to listen and react only to complaints.. When the good stuff occurs, the "senior" pastor takes the credit. Church is no different than companies... They are largely wraiths.. This overblown institution is not "ordained", it isn't holy, it is barely even functional these days. The biggest thing going these days is a focus on defining "purpose". Funny, Jesus said it pretty simply.. "love one another", "feed my sheep", that is pretty simple.. We should just DO IT.. not try to justify our own agendas in deeply complex theological doctrine...
In our world successes yield CREDIT. Who gets it?... God.. of course not.. the people who did the work.. of course not...The management gets the credit...because they were "in charge". Yeah right.. Step back for a minute and think about who is really in charge. Cecil once said in a memorable sermon, that just when we thing we are "in charge" .. that is usually when God gets our attention. Sadly, it is usually in a hospital, or a funeral. If we had given up the burden, and along with it.. the credit.. wouldn't we all be better off. I think so.
Back to the institutional wraith... Satan is effectively using today's church to separate huge segments of the population from God. By supporting the church's unwillingness to change/adapt, Satan ensures that our world's best and brightest are consistently alienated from the population and support structure that they need to help them discern and fertilize their spiritual desires for relevance and their innate desire to seek out God. Satan is separating sheep from the flock so his wolves can run them down...and he is scarily good at it.. Even the church's themselves are largely deluded..Their exclusionary, club mentality is now so commonplace, that they don't even feel bad about it any longer..
I assure you, If Jesus were here right now.. he would not be a member of the club. We have effectively "outsourced" our belief system. We as individuals no longer take ownership for our own thoughts.. It is easier to go listen to the preacher, turn on the TV, or just do what everyone else is doing. We let everyone else tell us what to think, how to act, what to say... Shame on us all.. I thank God for his Amazing Grace. Lord, Jesus, Christ, have mercy on us.
Rev. 3:13-21 Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches. “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the origin of God’s creation: “I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth. For you say, ‘I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing.’ You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Therefore I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich; and white robes to clothe you and to keep the shame of your nakedness from being seen; and salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. I reprove and discipline those whom I love. Be earnest, therefore, and repent. Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.
Monday, May 9, 2005
Visitors
Mother's Day weekend was a blast. Literally, figuratively, any way you want to call it.. Let me break it down for you all. 4 kids, 2 "grown" nephews, wife, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, my mother, and my father. Missed my sister in all of this craziness, though I am not at all certain that she missed us. We ate a ton of food, and caught up on a year of "quality time" in just about 24 hours. It was like trying to drink from a fire hose. Moderately insane doesn't really do it justice, but interesting thing... it just felt right.
Life at our house is about activity, doing things, talking, just being... Adding more people to the mix seems strangely normal. Our priorities are in place so bringing others into our world doesn't upset it. (at least not usually) This was our first set of concrete, definable memories in our new home and they were great ones. Images of "gram" meeting Clara for the first time are now indelibly scribed into my memory forever. For the first time, our new home felt like home...
Family, all of them, mixing together is a really cool thing. We were all blessed by one another this weekend. I finally felt at home.. How weird is that? It takes visitors to make me feel at home... I guess I don't understand as much as I thought.
Terry at Woodland Hts spoke about not putting anyone ahead of God, even family. There is definitely something to that. I think I need to study and think on it some more. Holidays, celebrating, must have another context and then all of it works... if the context is only the family, then it is extremely difficult. Expectations rule, and insufficiency reigns. Nothing we do for one another is enough, but if we come together within the context of worship, or celebration, a higher purpose.. then the other stuff is insignificant..
Verses from Sunday..
Matt. 10:32-39 “Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven. “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
Life at our house is about activity, doing things, talking, just being... Adding more people to the mix seems strangely normal. Our priorities are in place so bringing others into our world doesn't upset it. (at least not usually) This was our first set of concrete, definable memories in our new home and they were great ones. Images of "gram" meeting Clara for the first time are now indelibly scribed into my memory forever. For the first time, our new home felt like home...
Family, all of them, mixing together is a really cool thing. We were all blessed by one another this weekend. I finally felt at home.. How weird is that? It takes visitors to make me feel at home... I guess I don't understand as much as I thought.
Terry at Woodland Hts spoke about not putting anyone ahead of God, even family. There is definitely something to that. I think I need to study and think on it some more. Holidays, celebrating, must have another context and then all of it works... if the context is only the family, then it is extremely difficult. Expectations rule, and insufficiency reigns. Nothing we do for one another is enough, but if we come together within the context of worship, or celebration, a higher purpose.. then the other stuff is insignificant..
Verses from Sunday..
Matt. 10:32-39 “Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven. “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
I don't like being poor...
...I mean really poor. Like I haven't had cash in my hand for like two weeks and it will be another two weeks before I do. *sigh* and then it will be like a whole $20.00 if that. Ok I admit, I had it good in California. Man the amount of money I blew on cigs, beer and eating out, I could live off of that for two months here!!
I have an ATM card that I got from my bank, it's sitting in my desk inactivated because really, there is no point. Not like in Cali when I was swiping my card everytime I turned around. I know I know, it's a different lifestyle here and it's for school (which of course is important) and the wages are different and yada yada...I just don't know if I can DO it for three years! Ok my ass is old, I'm not a young starving college student, nor do I want to be. I just want to finish my degree and move on, and yes I understand there are sacrifices, but meat? I mean come on...I went like three weeks before I was able to buy some groceries, of course I didn't pay the light bill but oh well, electricity can be overrated. I'm telling myself things are tight for now, but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I missed the Native American Film Festival like two blocks from my house, no money. I don't go out, haven't been to a movie or eaten out in months. Its sucks I'm bitching, I know people have it worse, I know that. I'm just another spoiled Californian I know, but that's just it. I'M NOT ANYMORE!!
Although I do admit my affection for Wal-Mart is only fanned by my strict budget and the fact that it's not quite the dollar store, although I do shop there. This is so green acres for the new millenium.
I have an ATM card that I got from my bank, it's sitting in my desk inactivated because really, there is no point. Not like in Cali when I was swiping my card everytime I turned around. I know I know, it's a different lifestyle here and it's for school (which of course is important) and the wages are different and yada yada...I just don't know if I can DO it for three years! Ok my ass is old, I'm not a young starving college student, nor do I want to be. I just want to finish my degree and move on, and yes I understand there are sacrifices, but meat? I mean come on...I went like three weeks before I was able to buy some groceries, of course I didn't pay the light bill but oh well, electricity can be overrated. I'm telling myself things are tight for now, but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I missed the Native American Film Festival like two blocks from my house, no money. I don't go out, haven't been to a movie or eaten out in months. Its sucks I'm bitching, I know people have it worse, I know that. I'm just another spoiled Californian I know, but that's just it. I'M NOT ANYMORE!!
Although I do admit my affection for Wal-Mart is only fanned by my strict budget and the fact that it's not quite the dollar store, although I do shop there. This is so green acres for the new millenium.
Friday, May 6, 2005
Take Five
Went to a Dave Brubeck concert tonight at the Catholic church.. It opened with a 45 minute set of classic Brubeck, and then the second half was a classical work for orchestra, baritone, chorus and jazz quartet. Only words that come to mind: Stunningly Alive with spirit, energy and love for the music and the privilege of playing.
Those players were inspiring.. Old men, but they played with such joy, pure abandon, and love. Their integrity and their souls, magnified by there skill, shown brightly through the sanctuary. Dave spoke eloquently of how music "bridges the gaps, and speaks to all people" ALL of US. His art and his experience spoke to me on a level beyond just entertainment. He helped change the world in the 60s.. Music can do it again today..
The music was alive, the room was alive, the audience was intent on hearing the next note.. and then strangely, in the middle of the second half, people begain to shut down.. some even left.. On the stage was one of the most influential and accomplished musicians of our age, and these people left.. I was shocked.. True the music was "different" but still full of life. Was it because he stretched their minds, encouraged them to grow and take a different view of what music means to them. Was it because the setting was sacred, and maybe God was infringing on their agendas through the artistry of the 100+ musicians?
I loved it ... thank you Lord for providing us diverse talents in this world. People like the chorus singers, to the baritone, to the orchestral players, to the phenomenal jazz quartet. I was proud to be in God's house celebrating the gift of music to the world..Thank you for the friends who took us to the concert.. without them, where would I be.. I would have missed out because of my own plans/agenda.
Those players were inspiring.. Old men, but they played with such joy, pure abandon, and love. Their integrity and their souls, magnified by there skill, shown brightly through the sanctuary. Dave spoke eloquently of how music "bridges the gaps, and speaks to all people" ALL of US. His art and his experience spoke to me on a level beyond just entertainment. He helped change the world in the 60s.. Music can do it again today..
The music was alive, the room was alive, the audience was intent on hearing the next note.. and then strangely, in the middle of the second half, people begain to shut down.. some even left.. On the stage was one of the most influential and accomplished musicians of our age, and these people left.. I was shocked.. True the music was "different" but still full of life. Was it because he stretched their minds, encouraged them to grow and take a different view of what music means to them. Was it because the setting was sacred, and maybe God was infringing on their agendas through the artistry of the 100+ musicians?
I loved it ... thank you Lord for providing us diverse talents in this world. People like the chorus singers, to the baritone, to the orchestral players, to the phenomenal jazz quartet. I was proud to be in God's house celebrating the gift of music to the world..Thank you for the friends who took us to the concert.. without them, where would I be.. I would have missed out because of my own plans/agenda.
People need people
Been on conference calls all morning.. and a recurring theme comes up.. The people factor is the most important thing. Success is predicated on getting people to work together and finding and engaging the right people... For a technology team it is about engaging the real "subject matter experts" along with the right decision makers. For singers, it is about having access to the right coaches, accompanists and collaborators. For parents, it is about surrounding your family with a "village" of support for raising the kids. For a church, it is about community, and a shared purpose.. The important work all occurs one on one in those relationships, but the individuals are never really separate from their organizational context. The individuals do matter...
I think this is what Jesus was talking about when he talked about the shepherd focusing on the one lost sheep even when their are ninety-nine in front of him.. The exponential impact of guiding, teaching and then empowering people to love one another is a profound concept that can, and does impact our world daily...
Every conversation, every interaction, every person does matter.
Luke 15:4-7 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
I think this is what Jesus was talking about when he talked about the shepherd focusing on the one lost sheep even when their are ninety-nine in front of him.. The exponential impact of guiding, teaching and then empowering people to love one another is a profound concept that can, and does impact our world daily...
Every conversation, every interaction, every person does matter.
Luke 15:4-7 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Thursday, May 5, 2005
Institution
Sorry for the length of my post last night.. I will begin making them shorter and more on point immediately..
When I woke up this morning, the "summary" of what I think of the institutional church came to mind.
The Institution of the church(today's modern church) which sets itself up as a machine that saves people is dying or dead. The Modern church, even the big ones that have come about in the last 20-30 years are not necessarily successful... Purpose driven life is successful because it provides a system for churches to redefine their purpose... That is fine and good, but the purpose of the church hasn't really changed that much in the past 2000 years, and won't change that much in the future..The purpose of the church wasn't to get big, have more members, and build more and more buildings.. We tried that already.. look at the fantastic cathedrals in Europe from the middle ages.. That way won't last... Using a few corporate approach words: new words, a new "org structure" can't fix and underperforming and misguided body. We as individuals must change.. and the guiding body will change with us. The church must stem from the people, not dictate to them. Each of us must study, pray and seek God's will for our lives, and our families, and then share those stories with others around us. Churchs must help us do that.
God is very much still here.. he is working in our world. The story goes on, it is still being written..
This changing, evolving, church will become something different in the years to come... to continue to be effective it must evolve to be a living body instead of a dying system. Each unique, each special, each providing and writing its own piece of the ongoing story. The days of the church trying to be everything for everybody, are over. There is lots of literature on this, but I always come back to Brian Mclaren's book - "A New Kind of Christian" as a focus point for these thoughts...
For really interesting reading on this.. look up "Emergent church" on the web and read all about it..
When I woke up this morning, the "summary" of what I think of the institutional church came to mind.
The Institution of the church(today's modern church) which sets itself up as a machine that saves people is dying or dead. The Modern church, even the big ones that have come about in the last 20-30 years are not necessarily successful... Purpose driven life is successful because it provides a system for churches to redefine their purpose... That is fine and good, but the purpose of the church hasn't really changed that much in the past 2000 years, and won't change that much in the future..The purpose of the church wasn't to get big, have more members, and build more and more buildings.. We tried that already.. look at the fantastic cathedrals in Europe from the middle ages.. That way won't last... Using a few corporate approach words: new words, a new "org structure" can't fix and underperforming and misguided body. We as individuals must change.. and the guiding body will change with us. The church must stem from the people, not dictate to them. Each of us must study, pray and seek God's will for our lives, and our families, and then share those stories with others around us. Churchs must help us do that.
God is very much still here.. he is working in our world. The story goes on, it is still being written..
This changing, evolving, church will become something different in the years to come... to continue to be effective it must evolve to be a living body instead of a dying system. Each unique, each special, each providing and writing its own piece of the ongoing story. The days of the church trying to be everything for everybody, are over. There is lots of literature on this, but I always come back to Brian Mclaren's book - "A New Kind of Christian" as a focus point for these thoughts...
For really interesting reading on this.. look up "Emergent church" on the web and read all about it..
Wednesday, May 4, 2005
Institutional Wrath
A friend asked that I comment on the conservative Baptist culture that recently dealt me and my family a pretty big blow... Tough to be impartial where that is concerned... but I will try. For general readers..here is a little background. I am a bivocational minister of music, have been for 13 years.. was in the mentioned job for just under 5 years, and recently resigned at the request of the personnel committee of the church.. I was totally ambushed and surprised by this request..Their reasons are hollow to me, but I trust that God is working through this.. I am growing, being refined, and strengthened. The church seems to be struggling, but I trust in God to do a great work there if it is in his plan..
A job at a church, any church, is still just a job helping to lead others to Christ, but leading in worship and presenting God's word, is a higher calling... I am upset at the the leaders of the church body for dealing with me so insensitively, but at the same time I commend them for acting in a manner consistent with where they believed the church should go. We must be bold in our faith and actions to have hope of affecting the world around us. Bold action is called for in this "war". The church, as a whole is either dead or dying.. Even churchs like HRBC, my new congregation, are alive, but struggling to find a way to actually impact our community and world around us. I wonder how we stack up in the larger scheme.. I fear that we are not so effective.. Ministry is effective one on one.. Accountability is effective one on one... Institutional governance, and the power that goes with it is a corrupting and dangerous model. The politics inherent to congregational leadership are vicious, yet to defer all authority to a pastor, pope, priest.. whatever you call it, is equally dangerous and irresponsible. There is no perfect answer here.. We as a culture have about 2000 years of failure on our hands.. History tells the tale better than I ever could..
When I was leading at my old church, I took bold steps and actions which I believed to be correct. As a leader, I must stand behind decisions, both right and wrong.. We all have both successes and mistakes, I had my share of each...., but I think that as a whole, I did great work, loved my congregation, encouraged the musicians, helped to build an evolved view of worship, far exceeded even my own expectations in retrospect... To be perfectly honest, I think that the committee which asked for my resignation was sick. They are basicly good people who have been influenced by their own checkered history, into making terrible mistakes, devaluing people. This is not totally their fault. This behavior has gone unchecked for soooo long, why should anyone question it now. People in power in churches tend to remain in power.. or they leave and go somewhere else and attempt to gain power. It is a sickness when abused, and a great blessing when those skills are put to good use.
When someone like me bucks the system, the system will fight back... I got slam dunked, and have learned from it... The institution of the church has done a lot of things that it should not be proud of, but those negatives are right along side the mass of positives. It is not for me to really judge. I am here to serve, and with churches, I serve at the pleasure of the leadership. I am angry at people who acted inappropriately and were hurtful to me personally, but I forgive them... I am disappointed in my church, but after time, not so angry. I hope that my departure has caused many to question who they are, and what they do, and why they do it. I love them all, each of them... I forgive them.. It is in my nature, to offer myself up again and again and again. For the future, the trick is to do so without compromising my kids' spiritual growth and development.
My fear of institutional wrath these days, has little to do with my own life, and everything to do with the life of my children. Working for a church is a calling but it is also a job. I was called by God to minister in his name. I can do that without working for a church. My role as a father must take precedence over any job. I have to feel out exactly what that means. Time will tell.. reality is often messy.. but I trust and believe that it will work out.. Besides, God has already provided me many different jobs.. why do I need more..:)
For now... I can't take any more "wrath". I used up my shields.. and took some damage. I need to rest and repair.. then seek out a new mission. With time, and prayer, I believe God will show me his plan and provide opportunity.
Scripture focus for dealing with institutions..Paul and Peter write all about it.. and Jesus' example is pretty clear. For real insight, you should study the entire book of Galations.. ( I am doing that now, along with 1 Peter and 2nd Peter) but here is a start...
Galations 1:6-10 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned! Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
A job at a church, any church, is still just a job helping to lead others to Christ, but leading in worship and presenting God's word, is a higher calling... I am upset at the the leaders of the church body for dealing with me so insensitively, but at the same time I commend them for acting in a manner consistent with where they believed the church should go. We must be bold in our faith and actions to have hope of affecting the world around us. Bold action is called for in this "war". The church, as a whole is either dead or dying.. Even churchs like HRBC, my new congregation, are alive, but struggling to find a way to actually impact our community and world around us. I wonder how we stack up in the larger scheme.. I fear that we are not so effective.. Ministry is effective one on one.. Accountability is effective one on one... Institutional governance, and the power that goes with it is a corrupting and dangerous model. The politics inherent to congregational leadership are vicious, yet to defer all authority to a pastor, pope, priest.. whatever you call it, is equally dangerous and irresponsible. There is no perfect answer here.. We as a culture have about 2000 years of failure on our hands.. History tells the tale better than I ever could..
When I was leading at my old church, I took bold steps and actions which I believed to be correct. As a leader, I must stand behind decisions, both right and wrong.. We all have both successes and mistakes, I had my share of each...., but I think that as a whole, I did great work, loved my congregation, encouraged the musicians, helped to build an evolved view of worship, far exceeded even my own expectations in retrospect... To be perfectly honest, I think that the committee which asked for my resignation was sick. They are basicly good people who have been influenced by their own checkered history, into making terrible mistakes, devaluing people. This is not totally their fault. This behavior has gone unchecked for soooo long, why should anyone question it now. People in power in churches tend to remain in power.. or they leave and go somewhere else and attempt to gain power. It is a sickness when abused, and a great blessing when those skills are put to good use.
When someone like me bucks the system, the system will fight back... I got slam dunked, and have learned from it... The institution of the church has done a lot of things that it should not be proud of, but those negatives are right along side the mass of positives. It is not for me to really judge. I am here to serve, and with churches, I serve at the pleasure of the leadership. I am angry at people who acted inappropriately and were hurtful to me personally, but I forgive them... I am disappointed in my church, but after time, not so angry. I hope that my departure has caused many to question who they are, and what they do, and why they do it. I love them all, each of them... I forgive them.. It is in my nature, to offer myself up again and again and again. For the future, the trick is to do so without compromising my kids' spiritual growth and development.
My fear of institutional wrath these days, has little to do with my own life, and everything to do with the life of my children. Working for a church is a calling but it is also a job. I was called by God to minister in his name. I can do that without working for a church. My role as a father must take precedence over any job. I have to feel out exactly what that means. Time will tell.. reality is often messy.. but I trust and believe that it will work out.. Besides, God has already provided me many different jobs.. why do I need more..:)
For now... I can't take any more "wrath". I used up my shields.. and took some damage. I need to rest and repair.. then seek out a new mission. With time, and prayer, I believe God will show me his plan and provide opportunity.
Scripture focus for dealing with institutions..Paul and Peter write all about it.. and Jesus' example is pretty clear. For real insight, you should study the entire book of Galations.. ( I am doing that now, along with 1 Peter and 2nd Peter) but here is a start...
Galations 1:6-10 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned! Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Mobility - yeah right...
I realized I am getting a bit heavy, so here is some humor for you.
I am the tech mobility guru for my company. Yesterday, my cell phone stopped working properly, and now it is difficult to even call me. Irony: I am mr mobility, yet you can't even call me easily right now, because of a simple hardware failure. Fixing the phone is not really an option...since it is my primary telephone.. I am feeling my own pain.. AAAHHHHH... Maybe the tech guy(me) should have had a better support plan for this failure..
If we can't laugh at ourselves, where are we?
I am the tech mobility guru for my company. Yesterday, my cell phone stopped working properly, and now it is difficult to even call me. Irony: I am mr mobility, yet you can't even call me easily right now, because of a simple hardware failure. Fixing the phone is not really an option...since it is my primary telephone.. I am feeling my own pain.. AAAHHHHH... Maybe the tech guy(me) should have had a better support plan for this failure..
If we can't laugh at ourselves, where are we?
Tuesday, May 3, 2005
Identity vs Outcome
Returning to the grind of the corporate machine today, it dawned on me
that I am a very different person from the perception of those around
me... Only this year, have I begun to be honest about my thoughts and
ideas, and yes my "identity". In the past, I was afraid that allowing
my musical career to become public at work would somehow undermine my
credibility as a technologist. Focusing on my relationship with God
and the importance of church and ministry is another thing, very
difficult to deal with in the secular "corporate" world. I don't
always act in the same manner at work that I would have in other
environments.. I have to believe that I am not alone here... Am I
simply searching for an excuse, maybe.. but I think I am pretty much
right down the middle with this being honest to myself and others idea.
When we deny our self ... Is this the problem? Is there a way to share
more of who we are without compromising who people think we are? People
as a whole, jump to judgment all too quickly.. I know.. I do it too.
The ethics of manipulating who people think we are seems wrong, but we
all do it every day on some level... we play our parts... We do the
right thing.. but the right thing is not always so clear is it... A
business is not a church, it is not a charity... It is a job, and we
owe our company. We fulfill our part of the contract and it pays us.
This is good thing, or at least it is not an evil thing. An honest
approach to work, for wages, is appropriate. But, we must get better
at being honest with the people around us. We must be more authentic in
linking our public lives with our private lives... Relationships with
people are the key to success.. that hasn't changed, no matter how much
"machine/system" we inject into our world. People are paramount. I need
to learn to better appreciate diversity of thoughts and beliefs... and
find a way to tie this back to my intense and passionate faith.. There
has to be a way to be more inclusive, without compromising personal
integrity and judgement... or maybe not.....
We set up a wall, a communication barrier, when we aren't honest one
another... This "play acting" is what we all publicly despise and
ridicule, yet we each "feed the beast" each time we buy into the idea
that we are somehow better or worse than others around us...We somehow
try to convince ourselves that we are better than the guy who lost his
job, who got laid off, who didn't get his deliverable completed... I
buy into this line of thinking on most levels.. Some people have it and
others don't.. seems to almost be the American way...it is so easy to
say and think this... The work, the outcome, is the great equalizer...
Some people do get more done than others.. some people can do more
than others.. we are compensated for our contribution and something
tells me that this is ultimately fair, and ultimately flawed.
I seem to have painted myself into a corner here.. and this line of
thinking, justifying value by contribution seems inherently man made...
God loves us for who we are, not what we do. We love our children in
that same way, for who they are, often despite what they do... We are
proud, we want them to be the best, to have the best.. but what is the
best..
Ahhh, now that is something for another day... Stay tuned same bat
time, same bat channel.. you know the rest.. :)
Topic for the future: What is the best? What does it mean to be the
best, versus doing your best? Which is more valuable? Does it even
matter in the grand scheme of things? Okay, okay.. now I am definitely
ranting..
Monday, May 2, 2005
Auditions
person a lot of things go through the mind.
How important am I, How good am I?
What do I have to offer this person(conductor, listener, judge)?
What do I expect to gain from this? best case... worst case...
How good is good enough?
The answers to these questions are central to a professional singer's
life. The most interesting thing for me today, is that the answers
apply no matter a a person's role. When we are certain in who we are
and what our role/position is.. all of the difficult things in life,
become so much easier... We have a reason to get up in the morning, we
are able to plan and actually execute/accomplish things in our earthly
domain. I sang today for a conductor in whom I now have a lot of
respect. He listened, was warm and courteous, and no matter what he
actually thought of my "performance", he was appreciative of my time,
as I was of his. We each audition for everyone around us, all day,
every day. The best part of my audtion today, was that I was
comfortable and he was comfortable. We were getting to know one
another...
It seems to me that whenever possible, the relationship and context
are paramount, and must always precede the judgment part of our
personalities. I know that talk is cheap, and that we do all tend to
judge each other, figure out the pecking order, and then tailor our
communication accordingly. This is the REAL world, but I have to
believe that in order to better ourselves, we must seek out a new
path, a new approach. The system we live in, loves to create castes.
Even when those castes are not mandated by law, we as humans give them
credibility by supporting them subconsciously. For change to occur,
energy must be spent. Each person must make take action. If we
remain, passive and refuse to embrace change, the one thing we can be
certain of is that nothing will change. A new world, starts with
understanding a vision linked with our mission. We make decisions
every day in how we treat one another, how we judge, who we talk or
don't talk with.. Maybe we should be begin to approach our daily life
audition focusing more on what we have to offer, and less about what
we expect to get. This perception and action approach is certainly
different from today, but it can happen. It only takes patience and
time. Lets think of a new "vision" for a second.... just imagine....
some new paradigms.
We are all valuable, each to his own ideal, skill, approach. Clearly,
we have different things to offer, but in the grand scheme, we all do
need each other. We are all part of a body, or a constantly changing
story, not a machine. When we meet a new person, our first reaction
is to treat them as the most important person in our life. We
sometimes extend our relationships and "hire" one another to do work,
but even that exchange is based on the search for diversity, not on
judging... We are not "better" than one another, we simply are
different. We embrace our diversity, and we celebrate that God makes
each of us special and unique.
Strangely, I don't think this idea is new... it is an old thought,
just one that we have interpreted, and manipulated so much that it is
virtually unrecognizable.
My scripture passage for this post.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they
will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for
theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all
kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the
same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can
its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is
thrown out and trampled under foot.
“You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid.
No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on
the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may
see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.
Matthew 5:3-16
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