I have come to understand that I am mostly a fixer... I am not an expert on sociological/psychological profiles, but a recent conversation with a good friend.. has polarized my view of my activities.. People split into two types in my thinking.. fixers, and improvers.
Fixer: someone who is driven to complete, fix a given problem.. they derive their personal happiness and worth from getting stuff done.. showing results.
Improvers: someone who is happy to make things better, able to put aside the larger focus of the problem of world peace/world hunger and simply feed people and save as many as you can.
In ministry, particularly in institutional churches, I think maybe my approach is difficult to deal with.. I want to get involved, encourage the people, evolve the institution and FIX stuff. I think maybe I am assuming a responsibility, goal that is beyond me. I think maybe I need to develop a more balanced approach to my world.. I need to embrace improvements with more of a view of success in the little things, and leave the big things to people "above my paygrade".. read that as God mostly..
In corporate world, I have chosen a route as a project manage, yet I am much more an analyst at heart. it allows me to succeed frequently in increments and then also regularly complete and "fix" problems. As a PM, I am in control, in charge, as an analyst, I can only contribute.. HMMM
As a musician, as a performer, I can never fix my performance. I can never be good enough..In my mind, I an only improve. What does this say about me. If I identify myself as a singer at my core, then how can I be a fixer.. Maybe I have learned this behavior because it is what the world around me rewards. Does that mean it is good.. I don't think so...
As a father, I am only a caretaker to my children. They are ultimately God's creation. I love them and take care of them, but I cannot fix them. I can only help them to improve....
On second thought.. maybe I am not a fixer..
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Friday, May 13, 2005
Textbook vs Storybook
I have so much to say about this... Institution v. People, here is a starter course.. much more to say about this in coming months..
My approach to the world.. is really this simple..
Get good people...Tell them what you want the end state to be... Support them.. They will succeed in the end... Most important thing is to focus on the people...
The old approach... build a "system" machine, and the people are expendable.. Build it good enough and the results will come out... I think this is a proven failure.. just look at history..
Which approach do you use, at your job, in your church, in your family...?
Question for the world, why does my generation seem to take this approach.. why does almost everyone over 50 take the latter approach.. Are we really that different?
Is the Bible a textbook for living(completed 1500 years ago), or a storybook that is still being written even today.. ?
My approach to the world.. is really this simple..
Get good people...Tell them what you want the end state to be... Support them.. They will succeed in the end... Most important thing is to focus on the people...
The old approach... build a "system" machine, and the people are expendable.. Build it good enough and the results will come out... I think this is a proven failure.. just look at history..
Which approach do you use, at your job, in your church, in your family...?
Question for the world, why does my generation seem to take this approach.. why does almost everyone over 50 take the latter approach.. Are we really that different?
Is the Bible a textbook for living(completed 1500 years ago), or a storybook that is still being written even today.. ?
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Institutional Wraith
What in the world do you mean with that .. my wife says.. I told her to look up the definition of wraith, and then think about my favorite TV shows.. She still didn't get it, so I figure readers don't get it either. Definition of Wraith: a ghost or image of a person often seen just before or after death... The context I am using comes from Stargate:Atlantis, where an evil alien race is attacking.. This race is solely dependant on humans as their food source. They consume the life force of those humans unlucky enough to fall into their grasp, becoming stronger and stronger. Almost impossible to kill.
Institutions in today's world are effectively wraiths in this jeffish definition/interpretation. Some actually achieve good things with the "life" we give them. Most use and abuse the precious resource in such short supply. Our time on this world is not unlimited. We live and we die. How we use the time granted us here in this place is entirely up to us...not the machine of our world. With every complacent decision, we feed our dependance on the machine. Thought: God is an undending source of life, if we depend on him, we cannot run out of sustenance. God is not the church.
I am not advocating some sort of anarchichal, isolationist approach to everyday living. I understand that we live in relationships to one another.. and that we, maybe me more than any, are dependant on jobs, careers, and churchs to sustain us... I do think that all too often we lose the importance of people among our devotion to work, church, clubs.. the list goes on and on. The most important thing in my life is my devotion to the people around me. Imagine if we all prioritized each other so highly. Think: How would the world be different?
topics for the future:
What is better, what is the best? Who gets to judge? How and when?
What are the small things we can all change that will make a big difference?
God and the church. Where are we missing the boat?
Institutions in today's world are effectively wraiths in this jeffish definition/interpretation. Some actually achieve good things with the "life" we give them. Most use and abuse the precious resource in such short supply. Our time on this world is not unlimited. We live and we die. How we use the time granted us here in this place is entirely up to us...not the machine of our world. With every complacent decision, we feed our dependance on the machine. Thought: God is an undending source of life, if we depend on him, we cannot run out of sustenance. God is not the church.
I am not advocating some sort of anarchichal, isolationist approach to everyday living. I understand that we live in relationships to one another.. and that we, maybe me more than any, are dependant on jobs, careers, and churchs to sustain us... I do think that all too often we lose the importance of people among our devotion to work, church, clubs.. the list goes on and on. The most important thing in my life is my devotion to the people around me. Imagine if we all prioritized each other so highly. Think: How would the world be different?
topics for the future:
What is better, what is the best? Who gets to judge? How and when?
What are the small things we can all change that will make a big difference?
God and the church. Where are we missing the boat?
Eating buddies...
...my friend Nancy and I used to work together and eat together...a lot. I really miss the food out in California, so much diversity and exciting tastes. I went to a Mexican restaurant here in town and I was appalled at what they tried to pass off as chips and salsa! The chips were the round Tostitos brand and the salsa was tomato sauce, I think I saw a piece of green pepper in there. It reminded me of a place me and my Cuz went to in Livermore, oh man that was horrible. At this place in Rapid City the rice came out of a box and the beans weren't refried, they were just wet and mushy. It was horrible. Now in Cali, nothing like the taco trucks. They were perfect to go to on a Saturday or Sunday after a night in the clubs. Go and get four taco's and some hot sauce and you were set, or a chicken burrito with some lime and radish...OMG that was the shit!
Best Vietnamese soup was at Da Nang's, I think they put heroin in the broth because you just had to go at least once a week for your fix. Nancy and I discovered that place, then it became really popular, same with the Mexcian restaurant across the street, we were the first customers in their first week of business. Excellent salsa and Enchilladas New Mexico was my fave dish, it had two eggs on top of the enchiladas (the enchiladas were spread out like pancakes) delicious. The bread at the Indian restaurant downtown was like butter melting in your mouth and the best cilantro and rice, or the Won Ton soup at Canton Gardens and good Kung Pau Chicken at Dave Wongs. When we were poor (not like poor means here) we would go to La Cabana, this pointy roof Mexican restaurant where you got a lot of food for like four bucks and the service was great. Best egg rolls were at Ho Suns in Manteca, did you know THEY MAKE THEIR OWN EGG ROLL WRAPS?? Nancy says they don't but I think that's just 'cause she doesn't know how and she's Chinese. Best Meatloaf has to be at this place in Folsom called the Folstom Stree Cafe, I used to meet my friend Aimee up there sometimes for lunch, cute place, nice portions great potatoes. Nancy and I ate at so many restaurants over the years I forget how many, I think our best discovery was Momma Ruth's...oooooooooohh shittt! Soul food, best fried chicken and mac and cheese ever! With a side of greens and hot sauce and you were in heaven. Granted we spent half the day there (their fryer was having problems and I'm not sure the electrical hook up they had was up to code...but), it was worth it. We even went to some hoity toity places like the 856 cafe, best french onion soup. We never went back though, Nancy kinda ghetto and I was a bit embarrassed around all those rich white folks *grin*. Or CoCo Ro's, you paid like $14 for a bowl of rice with some chicken in it but they gave you a shiny pretty rock to rest your chopsticks on :-) Nancy stole hers, hence the reason we didn't go to the nice places to often, she be getting me in trouble. Cancuns, Arroyo's, Casa Flores...all get honorable mention, well Arroyo's was more Nancy's choice than mine she liked the Taco salad, I never did try it. Tepa's was great also, good salsa and burrito's were wrapped really tight. Best super burrito ever? Has to be La Estrella in Manteca in the Big Boy shopping center...big messy burrito it was great! Also good Chile Verde, me and my cousin Martin went there one time and ordered it, I'd never had it there before but it was by far the best. The Duck Nook on Harding had the best navy bean soup and potato salad, sushi was good at Kikusui on Pershing. Angelina's had a great Italian buffet. You never really know what you miss until you're stuck in the middle of a lot of Arby's and Wendy's, Burger King's etc. I don't think we EVER ate at fast food for lunch, Jack in the Box was for breakfast, that's about it. Well there were times when we were really broke and I'd grab my back pack and she'd grab her old lady purse and we'd go through all of our change and hit the Wendy's .99cent menu! Me and my eating buddy! LOL we ate til the end...scraping pennies and what not.
It's important to have a person who isn't afraid to try new things when going on a culinary adventure. Nancy wasn't afraid of putting anything in her mouth (oh lawd!) and she could eat. A short Asian woman but I've seen her clear a plate of enchilladas and a side of chips and salsa like a Marine!! Then she start looking at my plate! Gotta eat fast round her! I miss those days, the friendship and the food and the excitement of trying something new. There really aren't any places like those here, a couple of Chinese restaurants and two really gross "Mexican" restaurants, but that's about it. I can't afford to eat out here anyways but even if I could, I'd probably still eat my Ramen and tuna creations. Besides, not as fun without my eating buddy.
Peace out ;-)
Best Vietnamese soup was at Da Nang's, I think they put heroin in the broth because you just had to go at least once a week for your fix. Nancy and I discovered that place, then it became really popular, same with the Mexcian restaurant across the street, we were the first customers in their first week of business. Excellent salsa and Enchilladas New Mexico was my fave dish, it had two eggs on top of the enchiladas (the enchiladas were spread out like pancakes) delicious. The bread at the Indian restaurant downtown was like butter melting in your mouth and the best cilantro and rice, or the Won Ton soup at Canton Gardens and good Kung Pau Chicken at Dave Wongs. When we were poor (not like poor means here) we would go to La Cabana, this pointy roof Mexican restaurant where you got a lot of food for like four bucks and the service was great. Best egg rolls were at Ho Suns in Manteca, did you know THEY MAKE THEIR OWN EGG ROLL WRAPS?? Nancy says they don't but I think that's just 'cause she doesn't know how and she's Chinese. Best Meatloaf has to be at this place in Folsom called the Folstom Stree Cafe, I used to meet my friend Aimee up there sometimes for lunch, cute place, nice portions great potatoes. Nancy and I ate at so many restaurants over the years I forget how many, I think our best discovery was Momma Ruth's...oooooooooohh shittt! Soul food, best fried chicken and mac and cheese ever! With a side of greens and hot sauce and you were in heaven. Granted we spent half the day there (their fryer was having problems and I'm not sure the electrical hook up they had was up to code...but), it was worth it. We even went to some hoity toity places like the 856 cafe, best french onion soup. We never went back though, Nancy kinda ghetto and I was a bit embarrassed around all those rich white folks *grin*. Or CoCo Ro's, you paid like $14 for a bowl of rice with some chicken in it but they gave you a shiny pretty rock to rest your chopsticks on :-) Nancy stole hers, hence the reason we didn't go to the nice places to often, she be getting me in trouble. Cancuns, Arroyo's, Casa Flores...all get honorable mention, well Arroyo's was more Nancy's choice than mine she liked the Taco salad, I never did try it. Tepa's was great also, good salsa and burrito's were wrapped really tight. Best super burrito ever? Has to be La Estrella in Manteca in the Big Boy shopping center...big messy burrito it was great! Also good Chile Verde, me and my cousin Martin went there one time and ordered it, I'd never had it there before but it was by far the best. The Duck Nook on Harding had the best navy bean soup and potato salad, sushi was good at Kikusui on Pershing. Angelina's had a great Italian buffet. You never really know what you miss until you're stuck in the middle of a lot of Arby's and Wendy's, Burger King's etc. I don't think we EVER ate at fast food for lunch, Jack in the Box was for breakfast, that's about it. Well there were times when we were really broke and I'd grab my back pack and she'd grab her old lady purse and we'd go through all of our change and hit the Wendy's .99cent menu! Me and my eating buddy! LOL we ate til the end...scraping pennies and what not.
It's important to have a person who isn't afraid to try new things when going on a culinary adventure. Nancy wasn't afraid of putting anything in her mouth (oh lawd!) and she could eat. A short Asian woman but I've seen her clear a plate of enchilladas and a side of chips and salsa like a Marine!! Then she start looking at my plate! Gotta eat fast round her! I miss those days, the friendship and the food and the excitement of trying something new. There really aren't any places like those here, a couple of Chinese restaurants and two really gross "Mexican" restaurants, but that's about it. I can't afford to eat out here anyways but even if I could, I'd probably still eat my Ramen and tuna creations. Besides, not as fun without my eating buddy.
Peace out ;-)
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Source - Shame
Tonight I feel decidedly unspiritual. I am angry, not that my feelings really matter. My best friend here in Richmond was "out-sourced" yesterday. Honestly, there is nothing very elegant or appropriate about that. He was good, his management was not good. Decisions were made above his and my paygrade. Funny, I am more irritated at the people that somehow survived in that group than I am about the ones that are lost. How can managers who are providing basically no value remain, when the star performers are somehow considered expendable. We all know the answer of course. Politics and alliances. Macchiavellian alliances rule the day when people begin trying to "not get voted off of the island".
Decisions are not really made based upon value. In the end, it comes down to who knows you and who will protect you.. and maybe even more importantly.. Can they protect themselves long enough to protect you. Management in the 21st century. Is it ultimately about staying in the game and maintaining your passion? Can you stay employed, and not become numb, all of the life siphoned out of you.. a day at a time.
The Institutional Wraith is alive and well, whether in churches or in corporate America... Funny, schools and churches are probably even worse, because they somehow pretend that they are not using up their staff members/teachers. At least corporations come right out and admit that they are basically using up people's life energy, but at least there, those "associates" are being paid farely well.. That isn't really an excuse.. but it somehow mitigates some of the abuse.. Adults can't really complain when they sign these Faustian deals... Teachers and ministers deserve soooo much more than they receive.
Questions. Do you realize that staff ministers are probably some of the most educated and under paid contributor's in today's workforce. Master's degrees, PhDs, years of personal investment to a higher calling.... They love and adore their congregations. They invariably sacrifice their own families for the "good of the church". Right or wrong, they give their all to their congregations, but when the chips are down.. how many congregations focus on all that those staff ministers did.. VERY FEW.. they tend to listen and react only to complaints.. When the good stuff occurs, the "senior" pastor takes the credit. Church is no different than companies... They are largely wraiths.. This overblown institution is not "ordained", it isn't holy, it is barely even functional these days. The biggest thing going these days is a focus on defining "purpose". Funny, Jesus said it pretty simply.. "love one another", "feed my sheep", that is pretty simple.. We should just DO IT.. not try to justify our own agendas in deeply complex theological doctrine...
In our world successes yield CREDIT. Who gets it?... God.. of course not.. the people who did the work.. of course not...The management gets the credit...because they were "in charge". Yeah right.. Step back for a minute and think about who is really in charge. Cecil once said in a memorable sermon, that just when we thing we are "in charge" .. that is usually when God gets our attention. Sadly, it is usually in a hospital, or a funeral. If we had given up the burden, and along with it.. the credit.. wouldn't we all be better off. I think so.
Back to the institutional wraith... Satan is effectively using today's church to separate huge segments of the population from God. By supporting the church's unwillingness to change/adapt, Satan ensures that our world's best and brightest are consistently alienated from the population and support structure that they need to help them discern and fertilize their spiritual desires for relevance and their innate desire to seek out God. Satan is separating sheep from the flock so his wolves can run them down...and he is scarily good at it.. Even the church's themselves are largely deluded..Their exclusionary, club mentality is now so commonplace, that they don't even feel bad about it any longer..
I assure you, If Jesus were here right now.. he would not be a member of the club. We have effectively "outsourced" our belief system. We as individuals no longer take ownership for our own thoughts.. It is easier to go listen to the preacher, turn on the TV, or just do what everyone else is doing. We let everyone else tell us what to think, how to act, what to say... Shame on us all.. I thank God for his Amazing Grace. Lord, Jesus, Christ, have mercy on us.
Rev. 3:13-21 Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches. “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the origin of God’s creation: “I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth. For you say, ‘I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing.’ You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Therefore I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich; and white robes to clothe you and to keep the shame of your nakedness from being seen; and salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. I reprove and discipline those whom I love. Be earnest, therefore, and repent. Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.
Decisions are not really made based upon value. In the end, it comes down to who knows you and who will protect you.. and maybe even more importantly.. Can they protect themselves long enough to protect you. Management in the 21st century. Is it ultimately about staying in the game and maintaining your passion? Can you stay employed, and not become numb, all of the life siphoned out of you.. a day at a time.
The Institutional Wraith is alive and well, whether in churches or in corporate America... Funny, schools and churches are probably even worse, because they somehow pretend that they are not using up their staff members/teachers. At least corporations come right out and admit that they are basically using up people's life energy, but at least there, those "associates" are being paid farely well.. That isn't really an excuse.. but it somehow mitigates some of the abuse.. Adults can't really complain when they sign these Faustian deals... Teachers and ministers deserve soooo much more than they receive.
Questions. Do you realize that staff ministers are probably some of the most educated and under paid contributor's in today's workforce. Master's degrees, PhDs, years of personal investment to a higher calling.... They love and adore their congregations. They invariably sacrifice their own families for the "good of the church". Right or wrong, they give their all to their congregations, but when the chips are down.. how many congregations focus on all that those staff ministers did.. VERY FEW.. they tend to listen and react only to complaints.. When the good stuff occurs, the "senior" pastor takes the credit. Church is no different than companies... They are largely wraiths.. This overblown institution is not "ordained", it isn't holy, it is barely even functional these days. The biggest thing going these days is a focus on defining "purpose". Funny, Jesus said it pretty simply.. "love one another", "feed my sheep", that is pretty simple.. We should just DO IT.. not try to justify our own agendas in deeply complex theological doctrine...
In our world successes yield CREDIT. Who gets it?... God.. of course not.. the people who did the work.. of course not...The management gets the credit...because they were "in charge". Yeah right.. Step back for a minute and think about who is really in charge. Cecil once said in a memorable sermon, that just when we thing we are "in charge" .. that is usually when God gets our attention. Sadly, it is usually in a hospital, or a funeral. If we had given up the burden, and along with it.. the credit.. wouldn't we all be better off. I think so.
Back to the institutional wraith... Satan is effectively using today's church to separate huge segments of the population from God. By supporting the church's unwillingness to change/adapt, Satan ensures that our world's best and brightest are consistently alienated from the population and support structure that they need to help them discern and fertilize their spiritual desires for relevance and their innate desire to seek out God. Satan is separating sheep from the flock so his wolves can run them down...and he is scarily good at it.. Even the church's themselves are largely deluded..Their exclusionary, club mentality is now so commonplace, that they don't even feel bad about it any longer..
I assure you, If Jesus were here right now.. he would not be a member of the club. We have effectively "outsourced" our belief system. We as individuals no longer take ownership for our own thoughts.. It is easier to go listen to the preacher, turn on the TV, or just do what everyone else is doing. We let everyone else tell us what to think, how to act, what to say... Shame on us all.. I thank God for his Amazing Grace. Lord, Jesus, Christ, have mercy on us.
Rev. 3:13-21 Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches. “And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the origin of God’s creation: “I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. So, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth. For you say, ‘I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing.’ You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Therefore I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich; and white robes to clothe you and to keep the shame of your nakedness from being seen; and salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. I reprove and discipline those whom I love. Be earnest, therefore, and repent. Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.
Monday, May 9, 2005
Visitors
Mother's Day weekend was a blast. Literally, figuratively, any way you want to call it.. Let me break it down for you all. 4 kids, 2 "grown" nephews, wife, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law, my mother, and my father. Missed my sister in all of this craziness, though I am not at all certain that she missed us. We ate a ton of food, and caught up on a year of "quality time" in just about 24 hours. It was like trying to drink from a fire hose. Moderately insane doesn't really do it justice, but interesting thing... it just felt right.
Life at our house is about activity, doing things, talking, just being... Adding more people to the mix seems strangely normal. Our priorities are in place so bringing others into our world doesn't upset it. (at least not usually) This was our first set of concrete, definable memories in our new home and they were great ones. Images of "gram" meeting Clara for the first time are now indelibly scribed into my memory forever. For the first time, our new home felt like home...
Family, all of them, mixing together is a really cool thing. We were all blessed by one another this weekend. I finally felt at home.. How weird is that? It takes visitors to make me feel at home... I guess I don't understand as much as I thought.
Terry at Woodland Hts spoke about not putting anyone ahead of God, even family. There is definitely something to that. I think I need to study and think on it some more. Holidays, celebrating, must have another context and then all of it works... if the context is only the family, then it is extremely difficult. Expectations rule, and insufficiency reigns. Nothing we do for one another is enough, but if we come together within the context of worship, or celebration, a higher purpose.. then the other stuff is insignificant..
Verses from Sunday..
Matt. 10:32-39 “Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven. “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
Life at our house is about activity, doing things, talking, just being... Adding more people to the mix seems strangely normal. Our priorities are in place so bringing others into our world doesn't upset it. (at least not usually) This was our first set of concrete, definable memories in our new home and they were great ones. Images of "gram" meeting Clara for the first time are now indelibly scribed into my memory forever. For the first time, our new home felt like home...
Family, all of them, mixing together is a really cool thing. We were all blessed by one another this weekend. I finally felt at home.. How weird is that? It takes visitors to make me feel at home... I guess I don't understand as much as I thought.
Terry at Woodland Hts spoke about not putting anyone ahead of God, even family. There is definitely something to that. I think I need to study and think on it some more. Holidays, celebrating, must have another context and then all of it works... if the context is only the family, then it is extremely difficult. Expectations rule, and insufficiency reigns. Nothing we do for one another is enough, but if we come together within the context of worship, or celebration, a higher purpose.. then the other stuff is insignificant..
Verses from Sunday..
Matt. 10:32-39 “Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven. “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
I don't like being poor...
...I mean really poor. Like I haven't had cash in my hand for like two weeks and it will be another two weeks before I do. *sigh* and then it will be like a whole $20.00 if that. Ok I admit, I had it good in California. Man the amount of money I blew on cigs, beer and eating out, I could live off of that for two months here!!
I have an ATM card that I got from my bank, it's sitting in my desk inactivated because really, there is no point. Not like in Cali when I was swiping my card everytime I turned around. I know I know, it's a different lifestyle here and it's for school (which of course is important) and the wages are different and yada yada...I just don't know if I can DO it for three years! Ok my ass is old, I'm not a young starving college student, nor do I want to be. I just want to finish my degree and move on, and yes I understand there are sacrifices, but meat? I mean come on...I went like three weeks before I was able to buy some groceries, of course I didn't pay the light bill but oh well, electricity can be overrated. I'm telling myself things are tight for now, but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I missed the Native American Film Festival like two blocks from my house, no money. I don't go out, haven't been to a movie or eaten out in months. Its sucks I'm bitching, I know people have it worse, I know that. I'm just another spoiled Californian I know, but that's just it. I'M NOT ANYMORE!!
Although I do admit my affection for Wal-Mart is only fanned by my strict budget and the fact that it's not quite the dollar store, although I do shop there. This is so green acres for the new millenium.
I have an ATM card that I got from my bank, it's sitting in my desk inactivated because really, there is no point. Not like in Cali when I was swiping my card everytime I turned around. I know I know, it's a different lifestyle here and it's for school (which of course is important) and the wages are different and yada yada...I just don't know if I can DO it for three years! Ok my ass is old, I'm not a young starving college student, nor do I want to be. I just want to finish my degree and move on, and yes I understand there are sacrifices, but meat? I mean come on...I went like three weeks before I was able to buy some groceries, of course I didn't pay the light bill but oh well, electricity can be overrated. I'm telling myself things are tight for now, but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I missed the Native American Film Festival like two blocks from my house, no money. I don't go out, haven't been to a movie or eaten out in months. Its sucks I'm bitching, I know people have it worse, I know that. I'm just another spoiled Californian I know, but that's just it. I'M NOT ANYMORE!!
Although I do admit my affection for Wal-Mart is only fanned by my strict budget and the fact that it's not quite the dollar store, although I do shop there. This is so green acres for the new millenium.
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