Ode To Coffee

Coffee. Nature’s most perfect gift. I, for one, could not function in the morning without it. And I don’t mean the four dollar, glorified milkshakes my wife buys at Starbucks on the way to work (usually after waiting in a line longer than the one at Space Mountain in Disneyland). I mean straight, uncut, coffee-type-coffee, the kind Dunkin Donuts has blessed us with by making it available at our local grocery store that comes in only three flavors...mild, medium and strong.

Coffee saves lives. Not just my own, but the oblivious-to-the-world drivers I meet on my morning commute. Paramedics would still be trying to pry the steering wheels from their chests if I didn’t have at least two cups of my morning elixir in me before heading off to work.

But I digress. What could I say about this wondrous, magic liquid that hasn’t been said before by folks greater than me? So, with that in mind...

"But, Mom, I need the caffeine...BADLY!" - Zack Galligan, Waxwork

"Whatever happened to coffee-flavored coffee?" - Denis Leary

"A morning without coffee is sleep." -Author Unknown

"I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee." -Flash Rosenberg

"Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever." -David Letterman

"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend." -Author Unknown

"Decaffeinated coffee is like kissing your sister." -Bob Irwin

"I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon." -Ronald Reagan

"Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee." -Stephanie Piro
"I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee." -Carly Simon

"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." -T.S. Elliot

"It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. I bet this kind of thing does not happen to heroin addicts. I bet that when serious heroin addicts go to purchase their heroin, they do not tolerate waiting in line while some dilettante in front of them orders a hazelnut smack-a-cino with cinnamon sprinkles." -Dave Barry

"In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running." -Jeff Bezos

"My blood type is Folgers." -Author Unknown

"Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee." Alexander King

"Given enough coffee, I could rule the world." -Author Unknown